


Remembering Sunday

by Hidden_Joy



Series: Eyewitness Week [5]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: AU, Angst, Destruction, Grieving, Hurt, Internalized Homophobia, Love, M/M, Missing him, Polaoid Destruction, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 08:48:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12429237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hidden_Joy/pseuds/Hidden_Joy
Summary: Even though he doesn't believe in love, he's determined to call his bluff. Who could deny these butterflies?





	Remembering Sunday

Philip stared at the ceiling, everything in his body telling him to just fucking go back to sleep.

What was the goddamn point? There wasn't any. Lukas was dead. Dead and gone. How the fuck was he suppose to keep going? Lukas hadn't even been able to.

But still, he didn't wanna close his eyes again. If he did, he'd see it. Lukas' body collapsed against the wheels. A whole in his head and a gun by his hand. Blood everywhere.

He let out a soft sob, covering his face with his hands.

Sunday had started off great. His mother was going to rehab. But then he'd gotten the texts. And Helen had taken him to the Waldenbecks farm. And then they'd found his body.

Philip hadn't even been allowed at the funeral. Bo had refused it, claimed it was Philip's fault. That before Philip, Lukas had been fine.

Hell, maybe Bo was right. Maybe not about Lukas being fine before, but about it being Philip's fault.

He should have fucking told. It didn't matter what Lukas thought, he should have done something. Told someone. Even if he had to edit the story.

It was killing Lukas, tearing him apart. Until it finally won. These murders had taken another life.

Philip turned on his side, his whole body shaking. "Lukas," he sobbed to no one, hugging his knees to his chest.

He'd loved him. God, had he loved him. And somewhere deep down, Philip was sure Lukas had felt the same. He had to have. Somewhere beneath his internalized homophobia and terrifying anxiety. He'd loved Philip.

Philip glanced up, catching sight of his Polaroid. The Polaroid Lukas had given him.

He got to his feet, legs shakey as he stumbled toward the desk. His breath hitched as he picked it up carefully, examining it.

He gripped it tightly, his bottom lip trembling. "Fuck you," he whispered, then threw it to the floor of his bedroom.

"Fuck you!" he shouted louder, glad Helen and Gabe weren't home as he grabbed the baseball bat he'd always kept with him back in the city and smashed the camera with it.

"Fuck you, Lukas Waldenbeck!" SMASH! "You put me through hell and I still loved you!" SMASH! "I was still there for you! And then you go and fucking do this!" SMASH! "Leave me alone to deal with this shit!" SMASH! SMASH! SMASH!

Philip let out a shout that sounded more like a sob as he hit the camera weekly one more time and slowly slid to the floor.

"Fuck you," he sobbed, everything aching.

For Lukas. Everything ached for Lukas. He wanted him back. _Needed_ him back. He needed his touch, his kiss. His soft voice when they were alone. His smile.

He sobbed again, grabbing a box still left from moving in with Helen and Gabe. He picked up the bits and pieces of the camera slowly and put them in the box. He shoved the box in his closet, then. He'd put other stuff in there from his relationship with Lukas to hide, but there wasn't anything. They hadn't been real enough. They hadn't been long enough.

His shoulders shook as he sat back on his bed. What the hell was he suppose to do? Nothing. Nothing mattered anymore. Not without Lukas.

**Author's Note:**

> If Lukas were to have killed himself in 1x05. Title from Remembering Sunday by All Time Low.
> 
> -HJ


End file.
